Are you feeling invisible? Are you feeling that your middle-aged self, your body, your face, even your mind are not valued by those around you, possibly even the people in your own family? I see this sentiment expressed repeatedly in social media discussion threads of large women's groups. I can see these groups have become a lifeline for many. A safe space to ask embarrassing questions, to share feelings and emotions about this time of life where, blessedly, judgment is usually limited and love is often abundant. As such, I read endless comments from women in midlife feeling unvalued and unseen. In my coaching work with women in the second half of life, I hear similar sentiments.
After a recent experience supporting my 91-year-old father in rehabilitation at a nursing home, I just want to scream. I feel rage building inside, barely able to contain. Stop whining! Stop complaining about being unseen and see yourself! You are stellar in every way. You are vital, smart, and beyond the worry of other’s opinions. You have skills and life experience to share and can impact our world in ways beyond your imagination. And, the stakes are high.
Stop whining! Stop complaining. Each and every one of us must get to work. Right now, the time is now. It is not hyperbole to say the stakes are higher than ever. The world is literally melting from climate change and we are worried about not being seen by men when we walk into a car dealership?
See yourself! Value yourself more. Accept and embrace your unique value proposition as a woman who can nurture, manage, and accomplish. Isn't that exactly what you've done for decades? Accomplished more than you could have imagined, caring for self, families, pets, work, church, community, partners, parents, and more!
See yourself for who you are, now. Each and every one of us must step outside our comfort zone if that's what it takes. Get clear and confident of your own skills and abilities and walk into any agency that serves, present yourself, and get to work as a volunteer. If you need paid work, then get your resume in order, cross-train with others, get comfortable speaking your message, realize the transference of your skills and confidently charge the value of your worth. We must do this and we must persist, no matter what! We have decades ahead of us to create change that is desperately needed for our children and grandchildren’s healthy future.
We must step outside our comfort zone. We must see ourselves and stop waiting to be seen by anyone else. We must come out from behind our curtains of shame because our bodies are expanding or our faces are wrinkled. We must expose ourselves for the skills and talents we have, beyond the ability for others to understand. Let them underestimate us. Let us be the army of change. Let us stand up, see ourselves, get seen and heard and fight. We must, the time is now.