Positivity is the Real Superpower

There was the day I stood in my family room yelling at my daughter and her friend…I was so ‘mad’ that I threw a VHS video tape on the carpeted floor and broke it. What could they have been doing that ‘made me’ so mad?

Learning that nothing outside of me ‘makes me’ feel anything was one of the greatest lessons that helped me go from becoming conscious to becoming responsible.

At the start of the bridge to Consciousness, I lived in superficial unawareness, wondering if there is a Gd, and imagining that I could actually control things in my life [that was Arrogance-now I know I can only control my feelings about things and my response to things].

Crossing that bridge, my eyes were opened. I found focus and clarity about who and how I wanted to be. By the end of that bridge, I learned that responsibility is what is 100% mine; responsibility is what would actually give me the control I sought. Going in, drilling deep, figuring out what I wanted was the work: What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? I thought that what I wanted was success, stuff, fame and money; through meditation [which I now know is prayer], I realized that what I wanted was to be happy, to be calm.

The journey revealed this as I took responsibility incrementally in every area of my life—this meant stop blaming my husband, my ‘birthright’ [i.e. parents], my work, parenting, volunteering-anything and everything outside of myself. At the very end of the bridge of Consciousness was the Ring of Fire around which were the blazing words ‘Are you ready to accept Responsibility?’ I stood before it for a long time. Burning hot, flames, hazy in the center-could I dive through into the cool, clean water on the other side? Would I burn and die? What do I want, what do I want, what do I want? I want to be happy and calm. I leaped.

I came out with a superpower! The Superpower of Positivity. I can! I am! When you take Responsibility for who you are and how you want to be, everything becomes 100% in your control! Your thoughts, words and actions are yours [use Affirmations, Meditations, Prayer and Song to support you]. The Superpower of Positivity...to be, model and teach others how reframing a negative thought into a positive one [repeatedly]...can change the way you see the world [and the others see you], how taking control of your thoughts leads to feeling better all the time, how speaking the Positivity Language uplifts others, how loving yourself most offers the oxygen you need to find courage, strength, and power to be Confident, to help others.

Meditation or prayer practice offers the quiet authentic space that leads to a positive stance that jettisons you up, bursting through the water gasping that exquisite breath of air, filling your lungs with vital life-nourishment. In that moment, you become a Superhero; Positivity is your Power and you feel Confident and sure. Imagine that feeling now. Just imagine.

Going from Confidence to Calm...Windows To Your Soul

Is your Soul suffering? Are you aware of it? If you feel unclear, or that you lack focus or direction, it’s likely that you are feeling soul-disconnect.

In the first decade, we’re Super Girl, hands on hips with an ‘I CAN’ attitude. In the second decade, something happens. A shroud of mystery around blossoming womanhood, societal expectations, hormonal infusion and for many, a slow march to an externalized proclivity. How do I look, what does s/he think of me, why am I different from others, and the sway of the multi-hundred billion beauty industry assails our every sense. In the third decade, the ‘I have to’ starts. Whether growing a family or a career, whether partnered or alone, there’s deeply internalized pressure to get it right, get it done, do it now. I have to…I have to…I have to.

Along the way, we become disconnected from our Soul, the strong, self-loving, spiritually-filled girl-child in us whose bright eyes see clearly, with purpose and love. By the fourth decade, you start yearning for ‘more than this.’ As a coach, often I hear ‘I know I’m so lucky, but I feel empty inside.’ Also, me…before I started my trek to a conscious existence that took my entire fourth decade. Then, I suffered for the onset of my 50th year, and now five years later, I feel free and connected.

I’ve learned and now teach others the tools which help you see; Windows to the Soul.

Prayer is the most obvious soul-connection; but if you pray, do you actually feel the linking with your Soul, with Gd? My own prayer-practice started with just attempting to clear my mind [heroic effort!], then moving to conquer a meditative space, then breaking through a fear-barrier of the greatest unknown [Is there a Gd?] to find prayer. Honestly, I don’t ‘get there’ every time, but I know what it feels like now so I know where I’m heading.

Creativity is a multi-faceted gem offering your own formation, through your own senses and life experience to feel, find and connect. There are countless creative outlets you can use. You do not have to be ‘an Artist’ to construct the most fabulous creation of simple beauty to help you ascend.

Nature beguiles; its beauty and power can wrap you in an awe that can astonish the mind and spirit. From the simple acorn turned oak, to the colossal pounding of never-ending surf; from a cool breeze on a hot face to the phenomenon of a green leaf turning red, nature offers limitless opportunity to connect to your own Soul.

Song soothes and song stimulates. Have you felt it? Whether attending your first rock concert as a teen with the pounding base and exhilarating music making your heart rush, or from a heartrending melody bringing tears to your eyes from its mournful rhythm…music can heal and help you connect more deeply than you can imagine.

To gain clarity in your life, choose any or all windows, clean them, open your eyes and look through to see your Soul, swaying, dancing, creating in joy on the other side.

A Meditation: In Healing, for all who have said Me, too.

I want to heal, but I don’t know how.

Should I name his name? [How will it serve?]

Was it my fault? Did I provoke, as he said I did, with my clothes, my beautiful hair, my growing breasts?

Dear Gd, please help me. I don’t know what to do.

Take a breath now, breathe in 1,2,3, and breathe out 1,2,3,4.

You are here, now, in this moment, not ‘that’ moment. You are safe. Say the words to yourself, “I am ok. I am safe. Here and Now. In this moment, I am safe.”

Turning towards the chill, the fear, the evil may haunt you. But can it help you?  Only you know the answer. It is not necessary to look it in the face and relive the pain, the agony. It is only necessary to go in, go deep, find the child who is suffering. See her. Put your warm, loving, compassionate arms around the child. Just be quiet together until she stops shaking. This may take many tries, or it may take only once. Can you feel the safe warmth? Can you feel the intensity of love encircling you? The souls will meld, in safety, in warmth, in love. Breathe now, go deeper.

Go to the before time. Before, when you were free. Before, when you were whole. Before, when you were happy, innocent. Can you see her? Can you feel her spirit? Take the arms of the hurting one and put them around the happy one. Breathe. Can you feel the happy one encircling you with her arms of joy, of innocence, of love?

Can the happy one, the one who is free from pain, can she heal the other from the pain?  You are she. You are the pain. You are the joy. You are the wise. You are the now. It is all you. Breathe now. Go deeper.

Do a body scan, start with the ground beneath your feet, the profound spirit of Mother Earth supporting you. Go up, feel your feet, feel your strong legs supporting you, feel your hips, your womanhood -it is beautiful and safe; feel your core-strong, straight-feel your heart, square your shoulders, loosen your neck, stand tall, feel proud. Now, allow the energy, the ball of fire that has been building to shoot up through your crown, up and out towards the sky, out into the new world that is now yours. The world is yours. It is not his.

Breathe again, now. Come back. Feel your feet grounded on the earth below, open your eyes, look out a window to see that the earth still turns. You are free. Breathe again. Turn your lips up in a knowing smile. Control is yours. Let fear and hatred go.

susan axelrod, 2017

A Self I Could Love

Heart palpitations...Puppy love? Or Anxiety. Shallow breathing…Exercise? Or Fear.

“What are you feeling, in this moment?” This was a question asked of me by a therapist many years ago. My answer: “What do you mean by feelings?” It took me years of therapy and ‘work’ to be able to break through, go in, explore, find and feel. The shellacked exterior was strong. It was glossy, beautiful to the eye, nearly perfect. “Oy, what’s my problem?” I asked myself repeatedly.

I became lethargic, gained weight, felt alone. I kept it together expertly well during the day on the job. At home, I resented a lot; I yelled a lot. Then I hated myself. And gave myself more excuses to eat and not do the ‘work.’ I’m so busy…I don’t have time for myself…What do you mean go to a gym…Sex? You’re kidding, right?

I’ll never forget the day I got on the scale and it tipped over 160 pounds. I ‘saw myself’ as weighing as much as my husband. But he worked out and ran and had lots of heavy muscles [it was just a baseless and thoughtless negative comparison]. Now, I know it was self-hate showing her ugly and sometimes mean face. During this time, my husband kept tell me something that I resisted until I had my breakthrough [AKA breakdown]: “It’s not ok to be nicer to ‘others’ than you are to your own family.” Ouch. I resisted and argued and cried False! But, it was True. And, I’ve never forgotten it.

Eventually, I broke. Ended up home in bed, seeing only gray in my peripheral vision; uncontrolled crying.  Meds helped, family support and love. I laid in bed thinking. Is this the life I wanted to live? Is this the modeling I wanted to show our daughters? What would I tell them in this situation? Now, I know what I would tell them: “Honey, love yourself more.”

Then, I rejected ‘self-love’ by saying it was ‘selfish.’ Really? Today, I know that it’s the most selfless thing you can do: just love yourself more. When you give yourself permission to love yourself, you can find clarity, strength, courage, meaning and pride! [Don’t you want these things for your daughter, niece, granddaughter, mentee? Why not for yourself?] When you find these things, you find Confidence—an ability to not get it right all the time, assurance that you are doing it right for now, that you’re on track; you find Purpose that is an astonishing driver.

I found it! I started with a Values Prioritization [this took me months—here’s a great resource, I encourage you to use it!], then I moved through purposeful literature and exercises [Tim Kelley’s True Purpose book! and thank you Napoleon Hill for teaching me the power of thought!], then I learned about Affirmations from Louise Hay [thanks Sis for introducing me to Affirmations!] and started creating my own Affirmation Pix and Transformation Tips that I now share! Then, of all things, I began to figure out how to find a meditative space to ease my chaotic mind and now I write guided meditations for others. THAT was a miracle.

How? I got quiet inside. That took commitment, practice, time. Then, I went from just getting quiet to listening, to hearing, to speaking love language to my soul [the voice within]. I learned that tears are just your soul crying out to be heard; don’t be afraid of them, let them come, listen, converse.

Eventually, I said goodbye to my old personality [she still visits sometimes!], and hello to a new self. A self I could love.

Going from Confidence to Calm...Go There and Look Back

Being ‘present’ does not mean that you cannot imagine your future. Quite the contrary.

It is only if you are mindful of this moment-of how you feel, of what you are doing and thinking-that you can imagine the future you want to create. Mostly, we are mindless of moments passing. We think there will always be another moment. Those of us who have been faced with the cruel reality of a sudden death of a loved one know this is a myth. But you don’t have to have suffer a tragic loss to realize that time passes quickly. Today is already yesterday’s tomorrow. Did you do, today, what you wanted to do ‘tomorrow’?

When you live in a mindful way, you live in a conscious state of your existence-how do I feel right now? Am I enjoying my work, my relationship, my life? Do I feel fulfilled? If you find a positive response to your self-exploration, you know you are on the right track of life.  If you are perfectly happy living in this way-great!  Live! Be satisfyingly productive, move through life with intention and feel joy every day in knowing you are living ‘on purpose!’

If, however, you are wondering about a different future….Go There and Look Back.Go to the future that is on your mind. Is it one year? When you graduate? Get married? When your kids are gone from the house? When you turn 50? When you retire? Your old age? On your death bed? Whenever it is, Go There and Look Back.

What does that actually mean?! How do you do that? Make some quiet time. Get comfortable, breathe. Select that point that is on your mind and focus on it. Try to picture it in exactly the way you want it to be. What does it look like? How do you feel in it? What are you doing? Write it all out, be specific and highly detailed; draw the picture if art is your thing. Journal, pray, meditate, walk, hike, run-go wherever you can breathe and think, then write.

Then, work backwards in your mind from then to now. If that is your desired future, what do you need to do now to create that? What are the steps, the information, the resources? What permission do you need-from yourself-to be in that place? What can you do now to move in the direction you clearly want to go? Be specific and write it down. Then, when you get out of focus, you have the map to get back on track.

This is such a simple, but important exercise. Most people just worry or wish for a questionable future. When you Go There and Look Back and are clear on what you want that future to look like and be like, then you do things today consciously and even subconsciously to move you in the direction of your desired future. What if you change your mind? No problem! Life changes. Just go to the new place and look back.