Turn Towards Instead of Away

Two words can change your life. If you seek change, if you desperately want something different, I encourage you to realize the power of a Power Phrase. For years, I was desperately seeking something in my marriage. I thought I could explain it in words. But in the end, and after much work, I realized that what I wanted was to feel something. I had put the responsibility of this in my husband's hands. I saw myself through his eyes and I experienced life in the way that I thought he experienced life [I was wrong]. I took a long journey to move towards ‘Being’- for myself, by myself, with myself; getting quiet and going in. I found and accepted my responsibility for my own life. And, surprise! I found and felt more control!

 Over the years, I lapsed periodically. One of these times ended up in a bad fight with my husband after which I told him-again-we needed to go to counseling [something he had always refused]. Shockingly, he agreed. His soul, too, must have been yearning to feel better with me, no? I was the one who took responsibility to figure it out. The old me would have spent time resenting that. The new me was filled with gratitude that we were going.

 Two busy professionals, I couldn't find a good time. I got creative and looked for marriage counseling retreats. I found one on karma sutra, but he wasn't exactly comfortable with that! I continued to search. And I found a Gottman weekend retreat. I knew this was exactly right because Dr. John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, had already played a role in my personal transformation regarding our marriage. Magically, we were both available for that weekend. The short story was that we arrived with open hearts, both ready to commit and do the work to feel better together. It became clear that we were already Masters in our relationship and that we were doing just fine. It was all quite remarkable. But there was one key lesson I still use to this day, the Power Phrase ‘Turn Towards.’ If you're feeling badly about something with your mate or anyone, try opening your heart and turning towards him or her. That's all, the simplest thing in the world: “Turn towards instead of away.”

 Here are the elements that I’ve added to turn these words into a power phrase: come to conscious awareness of your thoughts, ask yourself “How do I want to feel right now?”, breathe, open your heart, take responsibility for your feelings...for who you want to be and how you want to be. Then, Turn Towards your mate [or whomever you want to love].

 Can you apply this? Mostly our hearts are closed through busyness, anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, anxiety or fear. Take responsibility, open your heart and Turn Towards the person you want to love.