Coming Into My Own

Dear Younger Self: Appreciate the sun and the moon, the tides and the sand, the rain and the wind. And your breath. Appreciate your breath more. These are the markers of life. Material things are nice, they are not unimportant. But in the end, when things get so hard that you think you cannot bear it, there is one thing that you can still rely on--the earth will rotate, dawn will arrive. So, make more time to sit in nature and breathe, just breathe. Feel your breath connecting to the essence of the earth, the tone of the tides, or the majesty of the mountains. Please know that it is ok to believe in G-d as the universal source of all that is. But, know, too that it is free will and choice that is your connection to Self. This connection will support you throughout the perilous journey that is one’s life.

From the moment you become a sentient human, there is a question that you begin to ask yourself that never goes away: “Am I Ok?” It becomes gradient, taking on mass proportions in later years. The “Am I going to fall?” thought you might have from learning to walk turns into “Am I going to fail?” about, well, everything throughout the stages of life. There is a glory-time when girls hit a power-stride at about age 6 or 7; “I CAN” exudes, “I WILL” comes forth, “I AM” lasts for another few years. Take a moment now to breathe, reflect and try to connect to your inner 8-year-old-she’s in there; what do you remember about her? Give your Self over to her fearlessness for a moment. Breathe.

What happened to that girl? Many things, each one acting like a relentless sledgehammer pounding her down: advertising, puberty, Mean Girls, boys, lack of strong women role models, self-questioning, Good-Girl syndrome. She was gloriously internal for her developing earliest years, so many thoughts within; everything was a wonder. But exposure to life brought her outward, to the external self that would be thrashed about for decades, often ending up like a wet rag on the floor. Hyperbole? No. Reality. 

To that self I want to say: Honeypie, know, just know that there will be a time that you come into your own. If not sooner perhaps, then when you reach your late-middle age years, there is a freedom the likes of which you cannot imagine now. There appears to be some magic about aging into this stage if you allow it. Perhaps it’s from the self-knowledge of: “DID IT” [often followed by “Don’t know how well, but at least it’s done”]. Whether it’s the launch of your children or for those with no children, the launch from later-career success, turning 50 can bring the beginning of an awareness that grows and grows. 60 [as I observe] can bring the liberation of breaking through. There is that last filmy layer, diaphanously fluttering in front of you, inviting you to step through, to see your old friends again! Hello! There in front of you in clear opulent vision are the sun, the moon, the trees, mountains and tides. Wow, breathe that in! And, breathe again quietly.

Coming into my own. Can it happen sooner? Yes! It can! If you want it, if you figure out what that means to you. If you give yourself permission, and if you allow it. What does it mean to you? Connect back to your source, not to the material things, not to the success that others project. Go in, go deep. Come into your own, now.