I want to feel better, but how?
“How did you do it!? How did you become this new person, positive and calm all the time now?" These questions followed me for years after I made just one decision. A yearning thought led to a decision to change that sparked my journey of exploration into a new way of being. That thought was: "I want to feel better, than this."
In my thirties and early forties...married, career, house, dog, children, volunteering, religious observance [my chaos list]...I was harried, quick-tempered and dissatisfied most of the time. I over-extended to meet the voice in my head of what I was supposed to do, of the person I was supposed to be; life wasn’t fun, it was a burden. Even in therapy I felt chagrined that I was there for ‘first world problems.’
Come to Consciousness
It was while supporting my younger sister on her own coached journey learning manifestation, that I began to Come to Consciousness [phase 1]. I started out by just listening to her, but I grew and changed when I started hearing her. Coming to awareness of my mind was profound! I learned that I could think an intentional thought, that I could control what I thought about, and that I could implant pleasant and positive thoughts into my brain, about what I wanted instead of what I felt I should think about! Wow, what a relief. Now, dear reader, take a moment to ponder this idea, breathe. What are the thoughts you choose?
Feeling better, rising incrementally to a place of feeling more in control gave me confidence! It was the feeling of being out of control, of being subject to everyone else’s needs/desires that made me unconfident and unbalanced -“Am I doing it right?? How do I know??” This feeling was self-imposed. It was what I saw in my mother! I thought it was my birthright, but as I changed my thoughts, I changed my actions and I grew Confident [phase 2]. Once my sister shared the affirmation ‘the creator creates the creation’ and I practiced and affirmed [repeatedly], my confidence increased. I found my truer self, I studied purposefulness and stayed in that space.
Feeling confident and in control is priceless. It took a period of selfishly going in, of drilling deep, of being all-about-me. My family suffered patiently while I expedited this part of the journey. I staked claim in myself [did you notice that self wasn’t on my chaos list?]. My husband didn’t like it, but still walked beside me. Thank goodness. Today we are stronger than ever. Now, dear reader, take a moment to ponder this idea, breathe. Can you let go and of the old and find strength in the new thoughts?
Then, something wonderful and amazing happened. I realized that there was no ‘There’ to get to; there is only Here and Now...what others called ‘being present!’ I found Calm [phase 3]. Today, I am calm, living in the present, on purpose, in love with myself and others. Now, I help others go through the phases themselves on the way to finding the impact they are intended to make in our world.